HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
