so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
