In the future we'll all be gay
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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