I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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