"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
