Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
