my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
