i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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