dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
