I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
