Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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