I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
