Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
And then my night got REAL pukey
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
