pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
