I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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