There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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