i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
