Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
