Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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