Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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