Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
