I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
