It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He did a backflip because drugs
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
