nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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