new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
