I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
