I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
