I CAN MOONWALK!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
