So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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