hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
