FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
