She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
