just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
