then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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