dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
