We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
