Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
