took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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