Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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