So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
