you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
