I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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