wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Never joke about your clitoris.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
