Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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