it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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