Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
