I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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