why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I looked at my own cervix.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
