he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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