My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
