I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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