You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
