We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
