There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
